NWB -> PWB -> FWB! It Could be Worse

For those of you out there who have had your fun with foot, ankle, knee or leg injury, these little abbreviations may evoke a strong emotional response. Having graduated from a NWB to a PWB makes me swell with pride and hope for one day being FWB!!!



The boot continues it's travels (my brother informs me that the boot is the new Traveling Gnome) Here it is at Tim Horton's




Late last night I came across a blog called Achilles Tendon Rupture Recovery http://achillesblog.com/dennis/ that I found very inspiring. I was searching for my goal and trying to determine what was realistic. I was originally thinking about and an event in February, something easy like a 5K or a 10K, primarily due to the way my doctors have waggled their fingers in my face and chanted things like, "We know patients like you," and "If you don't listen you will re-rupture," and "you're very bouncy, that could be a problem." At first I was DEFENSIVE... "YOU DON"T KNOW ME!!!" As I reflected (alone in my room playing Ben Folds "You Don't Know Me" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRgQns-TJGM on my Ipod, but ultimately realizing that in fact they DID know me and that I had better be a good girl and follow the rules!

Lemme back up for a minute and reveal the NWB, PWB and FWB... NWB = Non Weight Bearing. I was completely NWB for the first month post op. When I went in for the BOOT CRANK, four weeks post op, I was given permission to be PWB (Partial Weight Bearing). PROGRESS!!! :) I can put weight on my heal, but not so much on my toes. I have been using the scale to see how many pounds of pressure I can tolerate and I started at about 27lbs and over the past two weeks have slowly made it close to 60lbs of pressure!!! If you are one of my mother hens out there DON"T WORRY!!! I only apply pressure until I hear the doctors voices in my head! Sometimes I think I am taking this W-A-Y T-O S-L-O-W, but then I see the pointing, wagging finger in my face and I hear the doctor's words and I feel the intense pain and I remember, this is a ROAD to recovery, a JOURNEY... A marathon and not a sprint, so to speak. I will reach the finish line and be Full Weight Bearing before you or I know it!

So, I found this wonderful little (actually quite large and involved) website and I read about a guy who was jogging by his 6 month ATR (achilles tendon rupture) anniversary!!! I CAN DO THAT!!! (I say that bouncing and clapping, but from a seated position)! I am so inspired and excited and full of good mojo thanks to this post. I can tell I am making some of you uncomfortable. I can hear you thinking, "don't get your hopes up," and "not everyone heals the same," and "be careful." Thank you for your concern, it is duly noted and you and that little doubt voice that lives in my head have some very mature and important points to make, BUT THIS IS MY NEW GOAL!!! Remember Kalin Lucas and his goal to recover and to win an NCAA Championship??? http://julieisaheal.blogspot.com/2010/06/in-good-company-with-david-beckham-and.html

Well, There is a 5K in Lake Orion on the weekend of my 6 month ATR anniversary! It's my NCAA Championships!! Well at least it's my road to the playoffs!!! I may have to walk some hills, I may limp, but I want to do this!!!

It could be worse! I could be here NOT talking about what's next. Not seeing progress. I definitely have moments throughout the day when I am SO FURIOUS AND FRUSTRATED with my limitations, but ultimately I know this is just a hiccup, a sneeze really on the grand spectrum of life's adventures.

The reason this is SOOO exciting is because I had originally had thought that February was going to be my goal and here's why... I am under the impression - because the Doctor said the words - that I should expect to be "normal" by 6 months. In my mind that meant that Thanksgiving would be the START of any kind of training, but in fact once I start therapy, which is more like SEPTEMBER, I will be "training" to put one foot in front of the other!!! Can you feel the excitement?

Here is what I know and that I am choosing to ignore right now: I know that the FWB is going to hurt like a !#%!@#$%^&* (i don't even know what cuss word that is, probably all of them), I know that there are going to be posts here that are NOT as happy and fun as this exciting and hopeful post. I know rehab is going to suck :(
I also know that it's gonna make me better and! And I just can't stop being excited right now!!!

In the meantime, the boot is still gettin around :)




Here we are at the beach...











and airing out poolside at Michigan's Adventure.

Dove Chocolates Have All The Answers

It's true! On the sad days, which seem to be fewer and father between, the Dove Dark Chocolate with Almonds were not only yummy, but when I opened them up (sometimes 4 or 5 at a time... or 6) there was always a sweet little quip precariously placed to placate my inner meanie voice.

You heard me, my meanie voice. You have one, the one that tells you, "you're not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, organized enough, well rounded enough, blah, blah blah enough... That voice was LOUD AND CLEAR at the on set of this journey. It took an entire bag of Dove Chocolates, plus friends, lots of good encouraging friends to get me to here - the three-weeks-later place.

Today and for the past few days I have felt considerably happy! I know right?!?! HAPPY!

Did you know about these "fortune cookie-esque" words of wisdom? Well, in my bag of Doves these words were revealed: "Don't look back - you've already been there." How appropriate!!! Since my feelings of embarrassment were ONLY outweighed by the pain in the first week! I couldn't help but to look back! The meanie voice would repeatedly badger me with, "you are such a fool," and "how did you get here, oh that's right, you are such a fool." But as I unwrapped another little golden wrapper and popped one more delicious dark chocolate in my mouth and read the words again, slowly, the mortification melted with the morsel...mmmmm :)

What else did I learn from my bag of chocolates? One of my favorites: "Be still, breathe, know - you are fine."
I'm fine...... I am fine.
Oooh, this one was hard to swallow. Not the chocolate, non of those were difficult, but the words...Be Still. Um well, the day after surgery I was at a piano recital and the day after that I was at a track meet and the next day I went shopping for my son's and husband's birthdays and the next day and the next... Being still can be a very big challenge. Knowing that I'm fine, hmmm, well, I gotta tell you, I don't think I really take inventory too often on my actual state of well being. What about you guys out there? Do you ever really stop and say, I really need to do such and such for MYSELF in order to have everything else work without a heaping pile of bitterness? NOPE! "Be Still, breathe, know - you are fine." My eyes were hot and sting-y and blurry the first time my chocolate gave me permission to stop and breath and know that everything was going to be all right.

I should point out that I am not so sappy that I think candy wrapper sayings are healing me. I KNOW that eating a bag of chocolates by myself while I cry is what really heals a girl!

Many of the sayings repeated themselves and at the beginning of the Achilles Tendon Rupture (ATR) process there was A LOT of eye rolling on my part. I did not want my chocolate telling me to, "Be downright silly today," or to lecture me to "Do something nice for yourself today." QUIT BOSSING ME AROUND CHOCOLATES!!! DO YOUR JOB AND HELP ME FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF!!! DON"T YOU KNOW THIS IS A PITY PARTY?!?!? CHOCOLATES!!!

But with a little time and good friends and a schedule that helped to give me purpose, I started to take more advice from additional beautiful golden wrappers-of-reason.

"Lose yourself in a good read," Dove told me, so I did! And you know what? That totally helped me with the Be Still thing...for a minute ;)

"Sing no matter how bad you sound." I don't know how my bag of chocolates knew about my pitch problem, but I gotta tell you, there is NOTHING like belting out Gwen Stefani's "If I Was a Rich Girl," to get me felling all sassy! Ooh, especially the part where Eve raps, "Climbed all the way from the bottom to the top, now we aint gettin nothin but love!" I also find Air Supply to have some healing properties...please don't tell my friends :-/

It has been a good week. The Chocolates are gone, and that is O.K. I think I can walk on my own again...Well not actually walk, but I can get through a day without feeling too sorry for myself. I know this is a process. I know I will get through this process. I know the sadness and anger are not ALL gone from the process, but I will enjoy this happy little sugar high while it lasts!