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That's right!!! You heard it hear first!!! I am off the crutches :)
Last Wednesday I went to see Dr. Fugle and he and his peeps adjusted the boot to just five degrees short of whatever normal is. AND he said I can start walking without crutches, to which I replied "WHAT? YOU CRAZY" and I gave him three snaps in a Z formation!!! Not really, but when I tried to walk in the office it was a MASSIVE FAIL!!! Oh Lord, it HURT!!! I really did THINK he was crazy and he thought it was funny, but he told me I could wean myself off the crutches over the next week by spending a couple of days on two crutches and then a few days on one crutch and finally none!!! Just the boot!Day 1 Wednesday (after appointment)-Two Crutches - Add Weight:
YEEOOUCH!!! The new angle SUCKS!!! It hurts like H-E-double hockey sticks, PLUS, the boot MOVES now!!! That's right, instead of just being in the stretched position it flexes and when it reaches it's maximum (new) angle I see stars and I break out in a sweat and sometimes get a little light headed...mother of pearl it hurts!
Day 2 - Two Crutches/Lets Try One? - Oooh I feel so free, well not really, although, now I can carry stuff in one hand! But, I am so SLOW.
Day 3 - One Crutch - Aw Screw It: I started the day with one crutch, but at some point it was just in the way...So, I hobbled around still VERY SLOWLY and not at all smooth, but with both hands free and life was GOOD...UNTIL I sat down and then tried to get back up and then I needed one crutch again, cuz maybe when the Doc said to spend a couple of days on one crutch he knew what he was talking about :-/This evening I used the crutches at Eddie's high school reunion. It's kinda weird going back to the crutches after knowing I can walk without, I felt a little like a fraud, but mostly I knew that after a loonng first day of walking I could not count on being fully able-bodied...
Days 4,5 and today: There is some soreness in the back of my knee on the ATR (achilles tendon rupture) leg. I know this feeling, it's sort of a feeling of hyper extension mixed with weakness. I tend to baby the tendon by walking somewhat straight legged and due to my bow legs it can result in a minor hyper extension in the knee all to avoid the "full" range of motion that the boot allows (that I should be striving for...please don't tell)! Every first step is filled with pins and needles and after a period of time I begin to feel pain and fatigue. I try to concentrate on keeping my toes forward and walking properly, but I know that I get lazy and do what is less painful on my achilles when I want to keep going and it starts its nagging. The result is... now I need a chiropractor! I can feel soreness in my opposite hip and up and down my back, but all in the name of PROGRESS!!! It's a good theme, I think I'll stick with it :)
My next appointment is next week and we shall see what we shall see!!! I am anxious and nervous to start physical therapy but mostly anxious!!!
The Boot and the Blog and the DogThe Boot on the way to the Monroe Jefferson Class of 1990 High School Reunion
Matthew Wilder sang it best:
Ain't nothin' gonna to break my stride
Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh-no
I got to keep on movin'...
To say this hasn't slowed me down would be a little bit of a stretch, but keeping moving has kept me from throwing myself an all out Pity Party of the grandest kind!!!
The "crankies" and the lack of patience seem to be waning, not with absolution, but my goal this week of having appropriate expectations seems to be helping. I think. I suppose you have to ask the peeps I live with about that??? There was a chart for last week that set the ground work for the expectations! A LOT got accomplished and that was wonderful. The goals for this week have not been set and with a 2 day getaway in the plans I have a feeling very little will get accomplished, but I will breathe deep and chalk it up to SUMMER VACATION and be O.K. with it :)
My other goal this week was not to cry too much and I have met that goal with flying colors!!! I was a little uncomfortable for the first few days after the boot adjustment, but now feel pretty darn good. Some days I still do too much and my foot and ankle swell and ache and I am reminded to elevate and behave.
The things that keep me going and keep my spirits up include Movie Nights with the family, Coffee Meetings with the girls, CrossFit, the many Graduation Parties/BBQ's and of course all the new babies! I like having things to go to and to be a part of. I appreciate feeling included :)
The things I struggle with still are: 1. Not having a job this summer and feeling stuck, feeling like I am not contributing, 2. I get frustrated that I cannot go for a run or even a walk. On one hand I feel like my leg is getting stronger and I think I'll be able to take little steps or scoots, but it's just not true. I have been measuring the pounds of force that I am able to tolerate on the bathroom scale and I am only up 40 lbs on my ATR (achilles tendon rupture) and that is only about 1/3 of my total body weight, so I still have a ways to go :(
I have been getting pictures of where the boot can go to show you and remind myself that I am still on the move. That "Ain't nothin' gonna to break my stride, Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh-no I got to keep on movin'..."
The Boot on the road ... I am NOT driving (in this pic) ;P
The Boot in Starbucks ... mmmmmmmm
The Boot and a Baby :)
Thanks for reading...pass it on!
It's true! On the sad days, which seem to be fewer and father between, the Dove Dark Chocolate with Almonds were not only yummy, but when I opened them up (sometimes 4 or 5 at a time... or 6) there was always a sweet little quip precariously placed to placate my inner meanie voice.
You heard me, my meanie voice. You have one, the one that tells you, "you're not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, organized enough, well rounded enough, blah, blah blah enough... That voice was LOUD AND CLEAR at the on set of this journey. It took an entire bag of Dove Chocolates, plus friends, lots of good encouraging friends to get me to here - the three-weeks-later place.
Today and for the past few days I have felt considerably happy! I know right?!?! HAPPY!
Did you know about these "fortune cookie-esque" words of wisdom? Well, in my bag of Doves these words were revealed: "Don't look back - you've already been there." How appropriate!!! Since my feelings of embarrassment were ONLY outweighed by the pain in the first week! I couldn't help but to look back! The meanie voice would repeatedly badger me with, "you are such a fool," and "how did you get here, oh that's right, you are such a fool." But as I unwrapped another little golden wrapper and popped one more delicious dark chocolate in my mouth and read the words again, slowly, the mortification melted with the morsel...mmmmm :)
What else did I learn from my bag of chocolates? One of my favorites: "Be still, breathe, know - you are fine."
I'm fine...... I am fine.
Oooh, this one was hard to swallow. Not the chocolate, non of those were difficult, but the words...Be Still. Um well, the day after surgery I was at a piano recital and the day after that I was at a track meet and the next day I went shopping for my son's and husband's birthdays and the next day and the next... Being still can be a very big challenge. Knowing that I'm fine, hmmm, well, I gotta tell you, I don't think I really take inventory too often on my actual state of well being. What about you guys out there? Do you ever really stop and say, I really need to do such and such for MYSELF in order to have everything else work without a heaping pile of bitterness? NOPE! "Be Still, breathe, know - you are fine." My eyes were hot and sting-y and blurry the first time my chocolate gave me permission to stop and breath and know that everything was going to be all right.
I should point out that I am not so sappy that I think candy wrapper sayings are healing me. I KNOW that eating a bag of chocolates by myself while I cry is what really heals a girl!
Many of the sayings repeated themselves and at the beginning of the Achilles Tendon Rupture (ATR) process there was A LOT of eye rolling on my part. I did not want my chocolate telling me to, "Be downright silly today," or to lecture me to "Do something nice for yourself today." QUIT BOSSING ME AROUND CHOCOLATES!!! DO YOUR JOB AND HELP ME FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF!!! DON"T YOU KNOW THIS IS A PITY PARTY?!?!? CHOCOLATES!!!
But with a little time and good friends and a schedule that helped to give me purpose, I started to take more advice from additional beautiful golden wrappers-of-reason.
"Lose yourself in a good read," Dove told me, so I did! And you know what? That totally helped me with the Be Still thing...for a minute ;)
"Sing no matter how bad you sound." I don't know how my bag of chocolates knew about my pitch problem, but I gotta tell you, there is NOTHING like belting out Gwen Stefani's "If I Was a Rich Girl," to get me felling all sassy! Ooh, especially the part where Eve raps, "Climbed all the way from the bottom to the top, now we aint gettin nothin but love!" I also find Air Supply to have some healing properties...please don't tell my friends :-/
It has been a good week. The Chocolates are gone, and that is O.K. I think I can walk on my own again...Well not actually walk, but I can get through a day without feeling too sorry for myself. I know this is a process. I know I will get through this process. I know the sadness and anger are not ALL gone from the process, but I will enjoy this happy little sugar high while it lasts!
